15 Ways to Live, and Not Merely Exist

As Jack London once said, “The proper function of man is to live, not to exist.”  Far too often we travel through life on autopilot, going through the motions, accepting what is, and having every day pass like the one before it.  Everything seems relatively normal and comfortable, except that constant twitch in the back of your mind that’s saying, “It’s time to make some changes.”

Here are 15 simple suggestions for those who want to break free from the mold and truly live more of their life – to experience it and enjoy it to the fullest, instead of settling for a mere existence.

1. Appreciate the great people and things in your life. – Sometimes we don’t notice the things others do for us until they stop doing them.  Don’t be like that.  Be grateful for what you have, who loves you, and who cares for you.  You’ll never know how much they mean to you until the day they’re no longer beside you.  Truly appreciate those around you, and you’ll soon find many others around you.  Truly appreciate life, and you’ll find that you have more of it to live.  Read The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.
2. Ignore other people’s negativity. – If you allow people to make more withdrawals than deposits in your life, you will be out of balance and in the negative before you know it.  Ignore unconstructive, hurtful commentary.  No one has the right to judge you.  They may have heard your stories, but they didn’t feel what you were going through.  You do not have control over what others say; but you do have control over whether or not you allow them to say these things to you.  You alone candeny their poisonous words from invading your heart and mind.
3. Forgive those who have hurt you. – I forgive people, but that doesn’t mean I trust them.  I just don’t have time to hate people who hurt me, because I’m too busy loving people who love me.  The first to apologize is the bravest.  The first to forgive is the strongest.  The first to move forward is the happiest.  Be brave.  Be strong.  Be happy.  Be free.
4. Be who you really are. – If you’re lucky enough to have something that makes you different from everybody else, don’t change.  Uniqueness is priceless.  In this crazy world that’s trying to make you like everyone else, find the courage to keep being your awesome self.  And when they laugh at you for being different, laugh back at them for being the same.  It takes a lot of courage to stand alone, but it’s worth it.  Being YOU is worth it!
5. Choose to listen to your inner voice. – Life is a courageous journey or nothing at all.  We cannot become who we want to be by continuing to do exactly what we’ve been doing.  Choose to listen to your inner voice, not the jumbled opinions of everyone else.  Do what you know in your heart is right for YOU.  It’s your road, and yours alone.  Others may walk it with you, but no one can walk it for you.  And be sure to appreciate every day of your life.  Good days give you happiness, bad days give you experience, and the worst days give you the best lessons.  ReadBoundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No.
6. Embrace change and enjoy your life as it unfolds. – The hardest part about growing is letting go of what you were used to, and moving on with something you’re not.  Sometimes you have to stop worrying, wondering, and doubting, and have faith that things will work out.  Laugh at the confusion, live consciously in the moment, and enjoy your life as it unfolds.  You might not end up exactly where you intended to go, but eventually you will arrive precisely where you need to be.
7. Choose your relationships wisely. – The best relationships are not just about the good times you share, they’re also about the obstacles you go through together, and the fact that you still say “I love you” in the end.  And loving someone isn’t just about saying it every day, it’s showing it every day in every way.  Relationships must be chosen wisely.  Don’t rush love.  Wait until you truly find it.  Don’t let loneliness drive you back into the arms of someone you know you don’t belong with.  Fall in love when you’re ready, not when you’re lonely.  A great relationship is worth waiting for.
8. Recognize those who love you. – The most memorable people in your life will be the ones who loved you when you weren’t very loveable.  Pay attention to who these people are in your life, and love them back, even when they aren’t acting loveable.
9. Love yourself too. – If you can love children, in spite of the messes they make; your mother, in spite of her tendency to nag; your father, even though he’s too opinionated; your sibling, even though she’s always late; your friend, even though he often forgets to return what he borrows, then you know how to love imperfect people, and can surely love yourself.
10. Do things your future self will thank you for. – What you do every day matters more than what you do every once in a while.  What you do today is important because you are exchanging a day of your life for it.  Make sure it’s worthwhile.
11. Be thankful for all the troubles you don’t have. – There are two ways of being rich: One is to have all you want, the other is to be satisfied with what you have.  Accept and appreciate things now, and you’ll find more happiness in every moment you live.  Happiness comes when we stop complaining about the troubles we have and offer thanks for all the troubles we don’t have.  And remember, you have to fight through some bad days to earn the best days of your life.  Read The How of Happiness.
12. Leave enough time for fun. – Sometimes you need to take a few steps back to see things clearly.  Never let your life become so filled with work, your mind become so crammed with worry, or your heart become so jammed with old hurts or anger, that there’s no room left in them for fun, for awe, or for joy.
13. Enjoy the little things in life. – The best things in life are free.  There is absolute joy and wonder to be had in the simplest of moments.  Watching the sunset over the horizon or spending time with a family member. Enjoy the little things, because one day you may look back and discover they were the big things.
14. Accept the fact that the past is not today. – Don’t let the past steal your present and future from you.  You might not be proud of all the things you’ve done in the past, but that’s okay.  The past is not today.  The past cannot be changed, forgotten, or erased.  It can only be accepted.  We all make mistakes, have struggles, and even regret things in our past.  But you are not your mistakes, you are not your struggles, and you are here NOW with the power to shape your day and your future.
15. Let go when you must. – It’s not always about trying to fix something that’s broken.  Some relationships and situations just can’t be fixed.  If you try to force them back together, things will only get worse.  Sometimes it’s about starting over and creating something better.  Strength shows not only in the ability to persist, but in the ability to start over again with a smile on your face and passion in your heart.

5 Ways to Start the Year You Want Anytime You Want

As we head deeper into the year, many of us have seen our BIG resolutions that we made fall by the wayside.  Why is that?  Perhaps it’s because our energy levels dipped and we couldn’t maintain the new habits that we had adopted.  Perhaps it’s because we weren’t really committed to giving them full effort in the first place and just felt that we ‘had’ to make some resolutions.  Or perhaps we simply lost our focus.

No matter what the reason is, just because we’re well past January 1st doesn’t mean we can’t have the year we want.  I’ll go as far to say that making resolutions at the start of the year is not the best idea anyway.  We’re just getting to the end of six weeks of holiday madness, our energy levels and emotions are scattered all over the place, and we’re feeling the pressure of a new calendar year that seemingly forces us to make decisions on adopting a new way of life – decisions that we haven’t completely thought out and habits we aren’t quite ready to adopt.

If you’re feeling like you’ve let yourself down because you haven’t kept up withyour resolutions, don’t fret.  I propose that you can start the year you want anytime you want.

Here are 5 things you can do starting now to make that happen.

1.  Take a month to reflect and recharge.

If you find your mid-month or mid-year routines spinning your wheels, take onemonth and simply reflect on what you’ve done in the past few months – what’s working, what isn’t, potential changes that need to be implemented, etc. Recharge your focus so that you can take on the months ahead.

Don’t start this process mid-month while you’re juggling a hundred different things; make sure you prepare yourself to start this exercise at the beginning of the next month and fully commit to it.  So, if you’re reading this in mid-March and you’re looking to take one month to reflect and recharge, plan to start promptly on April 1st.  Doing so will give you enough time to prepare for the month ahead in terms of lowering your workload and setting up proper expectations for both yourself and those who rely on you.

2.  Theme your months.

Another clever way to ensure that you can start the year you want anytime you want is to apply a theme to each month of the year.  For example, if you have a project or goal that you’ve been dying to work on, take a month of the year to make it your primary focus.  This isn’t to say that you have to completely ignore everything that’s unrelated to what you’re trying to achieve during that month.  Instead, by aligning that month with your specific project or goal, and making it the focal point, or theme, you are more likely to put forth the time and effort necessary to make significant progress on it.  (Read The Front Nine.)

3.  Classify days for heavy-lifting and light-lifting.

Use your days accordingly.  There are some days where you’re going to be able to spend a significant amount of time on your goal or project, and there will be days where you simply won’t be able to at all.  I use a system of ‘heavy-lifting’ and ‘light-lifting’ days to help me make measured progress on my goals and projects.  By taking the days that I know I’m going to be able to spend the bulk of my time on my goal or project, I allow myself some emotional support for those days where I can’t – and don’t feel bad about taking those days off in the process.

For example, if you work a day job from Monday through Friday, perhaps Saturday and Sunday could be a heavy-lifting days for that side project you’ve been working on, and the other five days can be light-lifting ones.  Or if like me, you’re a stay-at-home / work-at-home parent, you will have some days where you can work on that big goal, while others you are focusing on fulfilling your duty as a parent.

The key is to evaluate and plan your schedule enough to know which days are for heavy lifting and which days aren’t.  It’s going to be different for everyone, but by classifying both types of days it helps you prioritize and emotionally separate the various kinds of work you “should be doing.”  This prevents you from neglecting what you need to do for the sake of what you want to do, or from trying to do too much at once.

4.  Capture and curate.

Being busy and being productive are two totally different things.  For instance, rocking in a rocking chair can keep you busy, but it’s not going to get you anywhere. It’s all about figuring out how you can deliver the greatest positive impact on your projects and goals in a set amount of time.

Obviously you can’t do everything and still be productive; trying to do so is futile.  This is where capturing and curating come into play.  You should spend at least two weeks capturing and tracking your daily tasks on an hourly basis, or as often as you can through each day.  It’s a challenging habit to adopt, but once you’ve spent some time doing it, you can then begin the selective process of curating those tasks.  This involves reprioritizing, reordering, expanding, and eliminating tasks so that you really spend your time getting the right things done, instead of simply being busy just for the sake of appearing to be productive.

Again, by first tracking and capturing everything you do and then fine-tuning and curating your efforts, you give yourself the luxury of being able to accomplish more of the things that matter to you.  (Read Getting Things Done.)

5.  Manage your time realistically

Even after curating your tasks and time effectively, you’ll still have to give yourself the freedom to let some things go.  Some of what you tracked is not immediately important and will have to go on the back burner, and some of it will have to drop off your radar altogether.

The key to having the year you want anytime you want is to accept the limited amount of time you have to do something really, really great.  The value of quality over quantity is essential when it comes to how you mange your time, which in turn is essential to your long-term happiness and success.  Better to do one amazing thing than ten mediocre things.  Better to do one thing you really want to do, than ten things someone else wants you to do.  (Read 1,000 Little Things.)

One of the most powerful ways you can change your perspective on the time you have is to get a bird’s eye view of the year ahead.  A wall calendar that displays the entire year at a glance can do that for you (I use a large one-page calendar) as you can see what you’ve mapped out in the months to come and celebrate what you’ve achieved in the months gone by.

Get real with your year and you are well on your way to making it great, no matter when you decide to start it.